My Christian Walk - Part 1
I realise that in this world the only person that truly understand and love me with unconditional love is Jesus Christ, my Lord!! He forgive all my sins and give me the love that I don't deserved!! Maybe some of the people will think me as a fool or what but it doesn't matter cause for me, my life is save by Him!! Without Him there is no longer me!! Maybe I am in a girl home or already dead (laugh) !! Seriously, no joke!! I used to be a so called ah lian before I come to Christ!! (Don't shock) I am a shoplifter, smoker, drinker, I have no respect for my parent, I go out late at night and come home in the morning!! I never go school to study and also don't care about them!! Do alot of silly and stupid things!! My parents don't care!! As I live in a broken family, my father don't lived with us!! When I am young, I lived with my grandma(my mother's mum), my mother and my sisters!! From young my mother had educate me with all the respect for elder and must be polite!! She also teaches me thing about buddhism and taoism!! From young, there is no peace in my family cause my mother suffered depression and often beat me and my sisters without reason!! Everytime my grandma will shield us and stop my mother from hiting us!! Sometime my mother will quarrel with my grandma and the next moment is we getting all the beat up again!! She everytime will threaten me and my sister that she will throw us to our father!! But there is time she will buy thngs for us and treat us nice but when she angry she will throw all the things away!! Me and my sisters really hate my mother alot at that time!! I remembered got one time I only want to watch finish the tv programme and it is only 20mins will be end before my lunch!! My mother don't allowed and kept telling me to go eat but I also don't want so in the end she just pull me outside and locked me outside the house!! Even how I screamed or cried or begged she just don't let me in!! It only my grandma kept persuading her then she finally let me in!! So at that time I really love my grandma alot alot!! But in the year 2005, my grandma she had admitted to the hospital because of stroke and month later, in 2006, the doctor discovered that the cancer cell (last time she used to have cancer but had already recovered) start to become active and had already spread through her body!! When I know the news, it is really too hard for me to accept and when the doctor said she only have 3 month left!! How can I accept the fact when I know someone that I love that love me is going to die soon and yet I can't do anything to help her!! Seeing her suffer through all the sickness it my greatest heartache I have!! I really wish to help her bear all her pain but I couldn't!! What can I do?? At there see her dying, that all!! At that moment, I really feel like dying too!! I just feel that everything is useless!! In my life, the only person that cares and loves for me is going to die and yet I can't do anything for her!! I started to cut myself, deeper and deeper when everytime I cut!! My world is full with darkness and is so empty!! I hate everything in this world!! I kept asking why want to take away my grandma, she is good person and did nothing wrong!! When I remembered how she wish to watch me and my sister to grow up and get marry, how her smile on her face when she said this, my heart was total broken!! When she died, I guess my world had also ended in its way!! I had tried to eat medicine several times but failed!! So I just left my life there to rot which where all my silly things came in!! Then in 2008,Shirlene's brother invited Shirlene to his cg(N20) in CHC and Shirlene called me, Sharon and Ying Zhi to go with her!! I remembered is mother's day celebration and it also a day when my life had start a new paragraph!! Everything seem to be so smooth in the starting cause before that I had stay in church (which is also CHC) for few month and almost complete BS; getting start and had already received the gift of speaking in tongue (speaking in an unknown languages, is a our communication with God)!! We love the cg and all the thing but the problem is we did not grow in our spiritual walk!! Slowly when problem came in we start to become shaky and which is then Joe came and told us she decided to transfer us to another cg!! We really felt very sad and angry but after awhile we(me, Sharon & Shirlene) prayed to God that if this is what He want to put us in we will follow His will!! So in 2009, we went to a new cg(W312) and for me, I moved to my father's house together with my sisters because my mother sold out the house!! With the mixed emotion of sadness and don't really bear to leave the house where my grandma had spent with me, I moved to my father's house!! Starting of 2009 is already a start of unhappy things, so what is it about the whole year?? hahax full of trail and obstacles!! Friend, family, financial, dream, study, love, emotion and all sort of things put to the test!! Broken relationships, failure, shame, lack of love, insecure, low self-confidence and lot more others things!!Q: How I go through??A: hahax hold on to Him and rely on Him!! Even when the time I can't feel God, I just encourage myself with the words of God etc: If God is with you, what man can do to you.. ..Q: Easy??A: Nope there are alot of time I cried till sleep..alot of sleepless night because there are too much of problem!!Q: What make you believe in Him??A: Everything cause He is the truth, the way and the life!!Q: Do you think of giving up??A: Several times but when I think back the time where my life without God, hehex I reconsidered. :)Q: Why Jesus not other god??A: Cause I only believe in Him and He is all I need!!
Ashley♥
Welcome to 
Ashley Neo,梁嵄瑛
Pray for 1 hour everyday constantly!
Be more patience and stop being so quick-temper!
Teach bible study!
Take up a dance course!
Hung Ying Zhi ♥ the daredevil
Be HONEST!!
Find our Mr Right!! *laugh*
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